Lookahead:  Where did this inexplicable, almost irrational love that I felt come from? Certainly not from me!  That agapē power was straight from God.  The only thing that I did was get the heck out of the way, so that His heart could be revealed.  How do I know that?  Because, when it was all over, I went back to being…me…😊 (no need to provide the boring details). But WOW, what a heart God has!  That’s Who we get to associate with today…and spend eternity with!  When I think about that, all my fear goes out the window!

For the Kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.  Rom 14:17

I watched a Children’s DVD about peace and joy today and I felt that it really zeroed in on what people believe peace and joy to be.  The cartoon represented peace as basically the absence of war or strife or division or inter-human battling; and joy was interpreted as deep happiness—that resulted from friendships and helping/serving God and others. For joy they gave the example of Paul and Silas who sang praises to God in prison.  I believe it was implied that they had that joy because they chose to think about the good things God had done in their lives—instead of the severe beating and pain.  I think if somebody tells me that I’m responsible for my own peace and joy level, that might be the very yoke/burden that would steal my peace and joy. 😊 I just don’t think it’s something that can be forced. 

In my younger days, I was a very angry person and actually went through Freudian psychotherapy for a while. I concluded that my parents were the cause of all my problems; and I remember that one time I lashed out at my mother who had been suffering with schizophrenia for 30 years.  For some reason, my pent-up anger distilled down to a rant that went something like, “It’s always all about you!! What about me???  I didn’t sign on for this!  All I ever wanted was a normal mother…someone who…likes to go shopping at Macy’s!!!” 

Ultimately and happily I met the Lord and fell totally in love with Him.  In the following years, family life of course continued to happen.  My mother’s physical health eventually took a steep nosedive for a dozen or so difficult months, to the point where she was now an invalid.  After my father’s unexpected death, her care fell to the family, because her primary symptom was (ironically and tragically) an agonizing fear of medical professionals.   One night I was in a CVS parking lot after filling her prescription when I thought, “I guess I’m just going to have to go out on LoA and take care of her.”  All of a sudden, I felt a blanket of total and complete peace drop on me.  And later, I realized that agapē love had come with that anointing. 

I had always been the critical one in the family—rebranding my father’s genuine love and empathy for my mother’s psychotic responses, as sick and enabling behavior—especially when my mother had made the decision not to get out of bed (when there was absolutely nothing physically wrong).  In another ironic twist, when I became my mother’s primary care giver, my top priority task was to treat a bedsore/staph infection that was now endangering her life…because of my mother’s stubborn, ill-fated decision.  I’ll never forget the day that the wound doctor confirmed that the wound was healing and would no longer be life threatening. 

I had actually made a decision that I would take early retirement if my mother lived, so that I could continue to take care of her.  When the doctor informed me that she would live, I began to rejoice. I exuberantly announced to Mother that, now that she’s getting better, “I get to retire.” (Where did that come from? I loved my job and had never planned on retiring. 😊) Later in the reception area, as we waited for the ambulance to drive us home, I blurted out, “Let’s go to Macy’s and celebrate!”  She said (with good reason ☹), “That’s cruel.”  But I wasn’t seeing her as an immobilized, near-death, psychotic woman on a stretcher/gurney. I was seeing her as my beloved mother who had just been given back to me—a mother who would someday be fully healed and well enough to go shopping. I told her that I would give anything to shop at Macy’s with her right now—and that I was sure that we would be able to do it together…and in the near-term future!! Where did this inexplicable, almost irrational love that I felt come from? Certainly not from me! That agapē power was straight from God. The only thing that I did was get the heck out of the way, so that His heart could be revealed. How do I know that? Because, when it was all over, I went back to being…me…😊(no need to provide the boring details).

But WOW, what a heart God has!  That’s Who we get to associate with today…and spend eternity with!  When I think about that, all my fear goes out the window!

Back to the top of the thread, I think I experienced a Kingdom Life Demo at that time—Peace, Joy…HIM.