Lookahead:  So, back to our original topic:  commanded to love?  Nah…I’m not comfortable with the concept.    Did I love the mother who, in my view, was essentially trying to exact love from us, according to some approach/avoidance protocol? I do not believe that I did.   Did I like her?  Probably more often than not.  Did I pity her? Intensely.  Would I have given my life for hers? Surely you’re kidding. 🙂 Did I forgive my father for sometimes “back-burnering” us kids in favor of Mother?  It took more than a few years.  And it took the LORD.  God was, in reality, the One Who reframed things for me in that regard.  

Deut 6:5

…thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

This morning, the LORD showed me something pivotal that I believe I am supposed to share.  It explains why I may be a little touchy about being commanded to love someone. 

I had mentioned in previous posts that my mother was mentally ill.  The disease (schizophrenia) gradually manifested in her early thirties, wreaking devastation on a strikingly beautiful, extremely intelligent woman whose talents included everything from acting (won second lead on Broadway but gave it up to marry my father) to competitive figure skating to being an equestrian, classical musician, poet, ballet dancer, Sarah Lawrence graduate (was pregnant with her third child when she walked up on stage to collect her diploma), etc.  My father, God bless him, chose not to institutionalize my mother after her diagnosis.  He gave up his life to take care of her at home.

(I need to preface this section by saying that my mother was a blameless victim who suffered greatly while still trying to be there for the family, and she never did anything twisted or terrorizing to us.  My remarks are from the vantage point of a confused child and I’m not particularly proud of them, although Romans 8:1!!) My impression of my mother was that she was a very strange woman, an embarrassment to me, someone who slept a great deal…and the family “focal.”  When she had one of her (what she called) attacks during which she suffered extremely debilitating anxiety, we all walked on eggshells, pitying her intensely, and feeling absolutely helpless to relate to, hence mitigate, her pain.  Mother was additionally scared to death of being abandoned, so needed assurance of our love.  She wanted us to constantly tell her that we loved her.  But there was a proper protocol for expressing this love, that included never leaving the house or hanging up the phone without telling her that we loved her.  We could actually get in trouble if we ignored the protocol.  (JIC, “Trouble” = hurtful words, and my father was always accessible to reframe her behavior.  Bottom line, we cared about her and would never have abandoned her.) 

However, there was a very confusing aspect to all this.  Because of my mother’s anthro/xenophobic behavior, as children we frequently doubted that her love was genuine/reciprocal.  I won’t go into details, but here’s a perfect example:  (back in the landline phone with rotary dial and curly cord mounted-on-the-wall days) my mother was terrified of answering the phone because whoever was calling might cause her harm.  Nevertheless, it was part of the protocol for us to check in by phone when we were away from home.  Consequently, we would signal her that we were one of her approved callers by hanging on the line for twenty rings or more.  If it rang more than twenty times and she didn’t pick up, we then had to figure out if we’d made the persona-non-grata list.  To someone who didn’t have a psychiatrist’s training and perspective, this behavior really sent mixed messages…for years.  She was simultaneously begging for closeness…while she was pushing us away. 

(At this point, I have to reinforce that this was the disease talking.  And also, I hope this won’t be construed as a pity party.  Untold numbers of children have never even heard the words, “I love you,” from their mothers.  I’m trying not to complain, but rather explain my response.)

So, back to our original topic:  commanded to love?  Nah…I’m not comfortable with the concept. 🙂 Did I love the woman who, in my view, was essentially trying to exact love from us, according to some approach/avoidance protocol? I do not believe that I did. 😦  Did I like her?  Probably more often than not.  Did I pity her? Intensely.  Would I have given my life for hers? Surely you’re kidding. 🙂 Did I forgive my father for sometimes “back-burnering” us kids in favor of Mother?  It took more than a few years.  And it took the LORD.  God was, in reality, the One Who reframed things for me in that regard.

Those of you who have known me over the years have probably heard my testimony about how one day the tangible agapē love of the LORD “dropped on me” as I made the decision to drop my career in order to move in with my mother (and take over her full-time healthcare in her final days).  Did I love my mother at that time?  Unequivocally Yes!  More importantly, neither God, nor my mother, commanded me to do it.  I wasn’t guilted into it.  I wasn’t worried about others’ perceptions of me doing the right thing.  I wasn’t trying to get my hands on her gold and silver (sold or hocked during manic episodes).  I was compelled by His Love, which completely overwhelmed me and infused me, giving me an obsession to do anything that I could to keep her “on this side of Glory” and happy for as long as possible.  It wasn’t me.  It was God.

Regardless, back on topic:  Can we really love someone who is commanding us to do so? I believe that I am proof positive that we cannot.  However, probably a small percentage of people in the world have dealt with my highly specialized situation.  So I have a raw nerve when I read Deut 6:5 which many people won’t have. But…for those of you who might have the same or similar raw nerve:

God is not struggling with scizophrenia like my poor mother.  Nor does he behave according to many other unflattering characterizations that I’ve heard.  Some sad, unenlightened examples:  God is not an obsessive compulsive type Who is wringing His hands over the fact that I was fifteen minutes late for church service this week (Ephes 2:8).  He is utterly transparent and truthful, heck, He is Truth! (John 14:6)  He never hides from us ‘til we improve and make the necessary heart changes—heard that accusation within the last couple of weeks, folks, on Christian TV! (Jer 33:3).  He doesn’t change on a dime depending on circumstances—or hormone levels du jour for that matter—nor does He change steathily like shifting shadows (James 1:17).  He is completely rock-solid and predictable, the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).  Bottom line, He is the One Who personally promises, “I change not” (Malachi 3:6) and that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). He is not moody, hitting emotional extremes like a pendulum (Deut 7:9) and OBTW He is not subject to raging outbursts.  He is LOVE.  (1 John 4:8,16) That means, when we invite Him into our hearts and lives, we get…LOVE. 

But what about the Wilderness Israelites who didn’t have Jesus in their hearts, and the Holy Spirit shedding His LOVE abroad in their individual lives?  Was loving Him a mandate?  As I said last week, Deut 30:6 is clear in the sense that God said He would empower them to love.  Additionally, we have to remember that Deut 6:5 is part of the Shema—a prayerful declaration that has been made millions of times over thousands of years by observant Jews:

Now this is the commandment, the statutes, and the ordinances, which the LORD your God commanded to teach you, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go over to possess it…Hear, O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one. And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might…And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be upon thy heart…(JPS 1917 Edition) (emphasis is mine)

I believe that the emphasis here is on listening, not loving.  Per wiki, Shema or Sh’ma literally means listen, heed, or hear and do (according to the Targum, accept). To me, the Sh’ma is more of a plea than a command; something along the lines of, “Please try to hear Me…not only with your ears…but with your hearts. The love part is almost a prophetic outcome.  I.e., If you forget about the distractions in the desert and focus on the glory cloud that’s right in front of your noses, you will love Me…and then you will be blessed!”  And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.  1 Corin 13:13  While we’re on the subject (and as promised in the last post), here’s what one NDEer had to say about the LOVE of Jesus: “When I looked into Jesus’ eyes, His eyes were like flames of fire with changing colors of red, orange, blue, green, yellow, and many other colors…I experienced in His eyes that they are deep and full of life. I could get lost in his eyes and never want to come out.  In His eyes I saw the love for every human and creation of God.  At first it seemed as if His eyes had love only for me.  But when I thought about someone else, I saw His love for that person.  It was like He loved only that person.  So I thought about someone else, and the same thing happened.  I saw His love for that other person.”¹ 

Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade;

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry;

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

                                Frederick M. Lehman

++++++++++++

¹John Burke, Imagine Heaven (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2015), 166